Vows wows with another thoughtful list!

Hi dear reader,

 

SuperYenta regulars know I’m a huge fan of The Times’ Vows column. The weekly stories are little postcards from Marriageville, each with its own “how we got here” story.

 

I especially like how the columns mention making lists for your ideal mate as if it is – and should be – de rigueur. The SuperYenta always says, “Exactly!” or “Go on, girl!” when she reads this in a Sunday’s Vows.

 

This past Sunday was no exception. Nikki Johnson, a woman after my own heart, held out until she was 42 so that she could find a man who matched her, “handwritten compilation of the 50 or 60 traits and characteristics she wanted in a mate.”  Now Nikki, you know the SuperYenta recommends starting with 50 and narrowing that list down to, say, seven or ten traits. But if you got all 60 in one guy, you’re a super star.

 

And I don’t care where you put your traits. Like Nikki, you can write them by hand and keep adding to them over time. You can keep a spreadsheet on your computer. You can put them on the back of a business card and put it in your wallet. Tattoo them on the inside of your arm, put them in a bottle and send them out to sea, add them to your email signature…..I don’t care as long as you make your list and publicize it.

 

When I say publicize, I mean tell everyone. Be able to rattle off your list to anyone who asks about your love life (which is everyone if you’re over 30 and single). They say, “Well, are you dating?” and you say, “I just haven’t found that special soulful, sophisticated, swing dancer who can sing yet.” (ß check it, that list is only four items long!). Your inquisitor just might answer back, “I know just the person for you!”*

 

Way to go, Nikki and Raymond Johnson. This SuperYenta thinks you’re super.

 

*For more terrific marketing tips, get yourself a copy of Rachel Greenwald’s Find a Husband book and read the chapter on marketing.

Comments

[msl]

you know, i made that list but was very skeptical about it. i was afraid it closed me off to potential partners who didn't hit every characteristic i was seeking. but i did it anyway. about once a year or so, i'd write a new list, thinking i had changed/grown/matured and what i was seeking was likely to change/grow/mature, too. and so i'd write my new list and compare it to the old list and it was always basically the same! go figure.

then i met the man who later became my husband. and just to see...i checked the most recent list i had made to see how/if he stacked up. and weirdly, he hit them all.

so yeah...i think having the list is a good idea because it gets you to the fundamentals and then you'll know it when you see it.

[Raymond Johnson]

I have to agree with making a list of what you want in a partner, but then again I am Raymond Johnson the subject of Nikki Johnson’s list and now her husband. Making a list helps you to recognize what you want when you find it. Making a list puts positive energy into the universe and if you believe in the power of attraction then you will draw that person to you. I will not proclaim to possess all of the traits on Nikki’s list but she found enough of the in me to love me, and because I love her I am moving towards achieving the other characteristics. Making a list is also an act of faith. Faith is an extremely large part of finding true happiness. Thank you SuperYenta for telling our story in your own way. Keep up the good work.

[shira levine]

Raymond!

Your email made my day! Mazel tov to you and your beautiful bride.
May you have many, many years of happiness and continued manifest destiny: make your list and it will be!
Please give my warmest regards to Nikki!

Sending you all my love,
SuperYenta

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