Ron is a divorced 59 year old man with a successful career and three grown children. Below is the rough draft of his online dating profile. The SuperYenta version is below. Good luck, Ron! You’ve been Yenta-fied!
About Me
I am a warm, fun-loving, up-beat person: intelligent, ambitious, successful, very humorous, adventurous, articulate, high energy, compassionate, sensitive, physical, caring and social. I love being active and traveling. I enjoy going out and having a good time but am equally content staying home watching a movie and snuggling on the sofa. I am just as comfortable in a tux or jeans. A lot of my free time is spent outdoors, whether it's hiking, snow skiing or tennis. I have learned that life is too short to devote all of one's time to work and to sacrifice your personal life. I believe in living each day to the fullest and taking time out to appreciate the little things that are often taken for granted. I am an incurable romantic and refuse to take off my rose-colored glasses.
My ideal relationship:
A great relationship requires commitment, compromise and a healthy dose of respect for each other. Mutual interests and aspirations are also very important, as well as a lot of laughter. When both partners recognize that the work involved to keep it strong is well worth it and when the good times and validation that you compliment each other outweigh the work. Basically, I want my significant other to be my best friend and the person with whom I look most forward to sharing everything.
My past relationships:
A relationship requires a high degree of compatibility. I have learned that people for the most part do not change, and that it is futile and frustrating if you expect them to. Life is a roller coasted, not a merry-go-round, but the highs help you survive the lows. As long as 2 people are committed to each other, any obstacle can be overcome and you should never have to go to bed angry
I am looking for a:
I would like to meet someone with whom I can be myself and we share common goals, dreams and values. There needs to be a physical attraction but the essence of the person is more important. I would like to meet a woman who needs to be romanced, cherished, adored, respected, spoiled and ravished...and wants to reciprocate.
My perfect first date:
First dates are awkward but also exciting. Lets get together for a quiet dinner, talk and see what transpires. If its right, we'll both know it.
Notes: I applaud Ron’s willingness to be very specific about what he’s looking for and also for his sensitivity, openness and honesty. But even though Ron was saying he was a positive person, his profile read like a laundry list of what was wrong with his marriage. SuperYenta says: spin everything positively and a positive non-bitter person will find you!
Ron’s About Me section was thorough but omitted some things only learned in an interview. What’s more romantic than waterfalls? What woman wouldn’t love to stroll through old country lanes for a little antiquing? Women need to know these unique hobbies and passions. Regular readers will know that SuperYenta forbids the “tux and jeans” line. The challenge is to show you can go hi- or low-brow without saying it verbatim.
SuperYenta version:
About Me
Southern gentleman seeks lady love for romance and adventure. I am a warm, fun-loving and up-beat person with a successful career, who also believes life’s too short to work all the time. I try to live each day to the fullest and take time out to appreciate things that others often taken for granted: spending time with family, hiking, games of tennis, antique shopping, and movie nights. I love being active and traveling. I love waterfalls. I can balance being high energy and social with being compassionate and caring. I am an incurable romantic who is not afraid of being a gentleman. Frankly my dear, I *do* give a damn!
My ideal relationship:
I want a best friend with whom I am excited to share everything. Great relationships require commitment, compromise, and healthy doses of respect and laughter. All relationships require an investment, but the good times, compliments, and love should outweigh the work. Life can sometimes be a roller coaster: I want someone who can roll with both the highs and the lows—and mainly remember the highs. Mutual interests and aspirations are a plus.
Notes: The original was too wordy and too much like a laundry list of what went wrong the last time. I pinched the roller coaster line from the past relationship section and put it in here. The sentiment was nice but in the wrong place. When people write, we often put the most important point at the end. I rearranged the original so that most important thing, that he wants to be excited, is front and center.
My past relationships:
I have learned that I do not want to change anyone; I want someone for who they genuinely are. I don’t go to bed angry, I work it out until it’s finished. As long as there is a strong commitment, I believe any obstacle can be overcome.
Notes: The original was not positive enough. This section read like Ron slapped it together in a moment of bitterness. I turned up the love in this section and made it shorter. One big lesson per past failure is good enough for most people.
I am looking for a:
I want to meet someone with whom I can be myself and we share our dreams and values. The essence of the person is her most important aspect. I want to meet a woman who wants to be romanced, cherished, adored, respected, and spoiled and who wants to romance, cherish, respect and spoil in return.
Notes: I made the language here stronger and took out the word reciprocate….too clinical, sexual, and just plain icky.
My perfect first date:
Let’s go for a stroll outdoors. If we enjoy ourselves and there is chemistry, I know I will want to see you again soon.
Notes: All SuperYenta clients know that dinner as a first date is a sure-fire setup for disaster. Keep it short and during the day and costing no more than $15.
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