I don’t like to brag, but I will: I have fixed up three couples who have gotten married. Playing yenta is one of my favorite hobbies and I take it seriously. My own parents met this way and I met my husband this way. Fix-ups can be the most natural and stress-free way to date and the results bring nachas to all involved.
Going on a blind date has a lot to do with presentation. The bottom-most line is that you want to present yourself as you really are so the other person will know exactly what they’re getting into. Being yourself does not mean showing up in sweatpants but rather showing up as your true self with an honest goal for your future in your mind and heart.
People ask me to fix them up all the time and after a brief personal assessment, I decide whether or not they’re ready for my mental database of eligible women or men and my strict (or as my husband would say: dictatorial) rules for going on a blind date…..or any date for that matter. So before you ask me to introduce you to someone special, take a look at my rules and tell me if you can follow them:
- Manage expectations: Stakes rise when you try to start a relationship over a candle-lit dinner at a top rated restaurant. Keep your first date very low key and promise yourself you will not do any activity that costs more than $15 total, not for each person but total. That can mean meeting for coffee, walking the dog, or just meeting at the beach or city park. DO NOT extend your time together beyond whatever time you allotted for this date. If the person is worth seeing again, set up another daytime date—two more, in fact, before you see them at night. By the same token, if you speak on the phone first, do not prolong the conversation. Start with “My yenta gave me your number and says we have to meet,” and set up a time and place to meet right away. Prolonged phone relations can only create unrealistic expectations for both parties.
- Be a mensch. If you say you’re going to call, call. If you don’t intend to call, don’t say you will. Better yet, if you are not interested and you know it after the first meeting, politely say, “I enjoyed myself but I don’t think we have a future. Can I reserve the right to fix you up with anyone I know who I think might be a better fit?” If you are interested and you know it after the first meeting, politely say, “I had a good time today. When can we go out again?”
- Be honest with your yenta. A yenta wants to help you! Follow up with your yenta to tell him or her exactly what you thought about the person, good or bad. This way, your yenta can pat himself or herself on the back and offer encouragement, or know how to do better for next time.
Please note that if you stray from my rules, I cannot be accountable if your first date is a flop.
Don't forget about the power of Mom as a yenta. My mother got me two phone numbers while at a funeral and now I happily live with one of those two women. It works!
Posted by: Greg | July 16, 2008 at 08:33 AM