SuperYenta

SuperYenta on Lady Brain.
Thank you, Lady Brain, for featuring SuperYenta in time for Valentine's Day. Listen up and spread the love, y'all.

http://networkedblogs.com/p27846442

Show time runs approximately 15 minutes.

Personals call and response: be careful out there

Your SuperYenta isn't in the frequent habit of reposting blogged content, but this one's too much of a gem to leave alone in webland.

My only response is: girl, get a SuperYenta. Don't even get a SuperYenta; get a Yenta, a friend, a family member, or anyone else who will give you a much needed reality check. And for crying out loud, no more drunken posting on Craigslist!

As you know, both women and men receive equal doses of love from the SuperYenta. Note to Suit Daddy of Doom: Look around at your next Wall Street charity function and you'll see the 40+ women look better, happier, and more content than their Forever 21-clad counterparts. Two words: Michelle Obama.

SY

Link to this post: http://katieschwartz.blogspot.com/2007/10/ny-craigslist-personal-ad-and-response.html

***

25-year-old shameless diva seeks money-money-money

What am I doing wrong? Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:-

• Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms -
• What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings-
• Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)? -
• Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?-
• Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?-
• How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

Suit Daddy of Doom's Answer

Dear Pers:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it. Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal.

Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates!

Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that.

So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage. Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Dow Got You Down? Go on a Date!

From the SuperYenta newswire.....
(www.marketingvox.com)

Depressed Dow Drives Americans into Arms of Online Dating

Drink up

A handful of online dating sites are reporting activity spikes following September's global financial crisis.

"On days when the US Dow Jones industrial went down […] by more than 100 points, more people were likely to log in and spend more time on the site," stated Senior Research Scientist Gian Gonzaga in an interview with Reuters.

"People seek out companionship in times of stress. Studies repeatedly show that being in a relationship can help a person's psychological and physical health."

CEO Thomas Enraght-Moony of Match.com corroborates Gonzaga's view. "During these trying times, people are looking for hope in their inbox," he said.

November brought Match.com its largest membership increase in the last seven years.

But even lesser-known dating sites, like Perfectmatch.com, are seeing bounty. The latter reported a 47% hike in membership in the three months to November compared to the previous quarter.

An Opinion Research Corp. poll, sponsored by eHarmony, found 57% of Americans worry more about their love lives amidst the credit crunch. Married men were most affected, with 63% stressed over love.

And 75% of poll-takers between 25 and 34 worried whether the economy would negatively impact their love lives. Younger, single respondents were more likely to pursue a relationship as a result of these concerns.

Older respondents, which were more likely to be married, still worried financial issues would harm their existing relationships. "There are often more fights over bills and household budgets" among couples in climates like this one, Gonzaga pointed out.

The Opinion/eHarmony poll comprised 1,092 users. Meanwhile, a survey by Avalanche LLC — which operates date.com, matchmaker.com and amor.com — found 84% of people are spending more time online or over the phone before meeting face-to-face.

With all that in mind, it bodes well for the online dating industry that the Dow is down 35% this year.

Online dating services became aggressive advertisers in '07, with eHarmony spending the most: $110.1 million in total as of February last year. Match.com followed, spending $66.4 million in total.

Their efforts weren't wasted. Prior to 2008, Mediamark Research found US adults were increasingly receptive to online dating, which was previously stigmatized as an arena for the desperate and unloveable. Men were slightly more likely to log onto an online dating site (52.2% versus 47.8%), and people between 18-34 consisted of over half of the online dating population. Single parents were significantly more likely than average to pursue a 'net-based romance.

The face of online dating in general has evolved since then. Online speed dating debuted late last year. And last month, online dating conglomerate eHarmony lost a three-year-old suit for refusing to match gays, lesbians and bisexuals. The company will launch a gay dating site, "Compatible Partners," in early 2009.

The Road to Love: Stay the Course and Be Prepared

There was an article in the New York Times about all of the Buddhist tourist attractions in San Francisco. It closed with a quote from the great Buddha: All living beings, whether they know it or not, are following this path.

It is important to remember that you are not alone on your quest to find someone to marry. You know how people say “Timing is everything?” The point of that statement is someone out there right now is also on a path to find their beshert. You may find this person at your next intersection. The goal is to make sure you’re focused on your path so that when another wayfarer crosses your path at the right time, you’ll be ready.

And guess what? There are other people on the path too, like SuperYenta, who are here to help you stay the course and quit the one night stands and the little relationships that can never go anywhere. Lean on these people to help you stay focused.

Some of my clients say they come off as desperate on dates because they want love so badly, and this desperate feeling ruins their time on the date. Their paths are rocky, littered with expectations and memories of the past. Remember that your journey needs a path, which has a beginning and an end. The journey itself, in this case, is not your destination. When you relax, follow my rules, and understand that your journey will not last forever, you just may meet someone at the next intersection.

Technorati Tags: buddha,buddhism,san francisco,new year,new york times,timing

What is a leek? How not to have a first date.

Let’s get one thing straight: I love men. They help us make the world go ‘round. As often as I see women making relationship mistakes, I see men doing it too: they are not exempt. One thing I see a lot of men doing is not giving the women they’re with credit for being as intelligent and “dialed in” as they are. Sometimes I want to say, “Well, she agreed to go out with you, so that’s a start, right?”

Take last night for instance. Mr. SuperYenta and I were enjoying a delicious dinner at Range. Sitting next to us was a couple who were obviously on their first date. (Regular readers will remember that this is a horrible choice for a first date…..a Michelin-rated restaurant is where you go on your eighth date, not your first, but I digress.)

After the couple had time to study the menu, the waitress came by to see if there were any questions. The gentleman said, “I have one, what is a leek?” The waitress, dumbfounded that such an uninformed diner had somehow stumbled into this domain of food excellence, struggled with the right way to describe a leek. “Uh, its green…..its long……” she stammered. After a few awkward seconds, the man’s date piped up, “Its like a big green onion.” “Right,” said the waitress, “its a big green onion.”

Now it is okay to not know what something is on the menu, even if you take your date to a foodie’s paradise and you live in Northern California. But fer cryin’ out loud, dude, ask the beautiful woman you thought enough of to bring with you your question. What a terrific conversation opener. You could have said something like, “This menu is so interesting. I hardly know what anything is on here. What are leeks?” This way, you give your date the opportunity to not only show you how smart, worldly, and gourmet she is, but also you show that you don’t have the answers to everything and that sometimes you like to have help, which is attractive, and you may learn something valuable in the process.

And furthermore, make life easy on yourself. Make your first date during the daytime and under fifteen dollars.

As I witnessed this interaction, I saw a tiny little wall go up between the woman and the man. I could just imagine that poor woman reassuring herself throughout the entire meal, “Well, at least I got a nice meal out of this knucklehead. What is a leek indeed!” Not only did he act like an ignoramus, but he also ignored his future partner to get an answer and start an interesting conversation. Mr. Leek gets an F from SuperYenta. It was all I could do not to slide my card over to him across the table. And next time you go to Range, try the leek appetizer! It was wonderful.

Technorati Tags: range restaurant san francisco,michelin star ratings,yenta,leeks,dating,love

Public online dating profile review: Karen

Karen is vivacious, fun, smart, and beautiful. Below is the rough draft of her original profile for an online dating website. After I interviewed her, I constructed the following SuperYenta version. Following that, you’ll find my edits with comments. Enjoy! --SY

Before

About Me:

You could say that I am a walking contradiction (aren't most humans?!). I prefer to think I am multi-faceted.

- Sometimes I'm the life of the party, and other times I'm happier putzing around the house

- Urban life suits me, yet I miss being close to nature. Ideally I’ll have both (and plenty of farm animals!)

- Staying healthy is important to me, and so is life balance. In other words, you'll sometimes find me on a juice fast and others with a frosty vodka-based beverage

- I'm just as happy to get dolled up to paint the town red as I am to bundle up and head to the mountains

- I love to entertain. I often plan theme parties to support my love of costuming. My attic has since been turned into a giant costume closet.

- I have a beautiful case of wanderlust, and I hope it never goes away. I live to travel

About you:

You know what you want in life and are working in that direction. You understand yourself and can communicate your thoughts and feelings. You are confident but not narcissistic, ambitious but not a bull, emotional but not needy, able to give and receive love, and you are looking for someone to be your partner in crime, love and life.

And then of course there is that beautiful thing we call chemistry – that is a must-have.

Bonus points if you are handy and love to travel.

…….

Notes from SuperYenta: Your online description needs to be personal and specific but not so specific that people wonder, “What the heck is this person talking about? Farm animals?” Write something that needs no explanation and does not sound mysterious, illegal, bored, or over it. In Karen’s interview, I discovered that she goes to great lengths to make children comfortable in her home. I highlighted this as an attribute, because with all her partying, it is important for men to know that she loves kids and is comfortable around them.

Karen’s About You was well-thought out. I liked its breadth and that it didn’t sound like a checklist of bad attributes from her prior relationships. I also liked that she mentioned communication. I think bad communicators will read that and move on, exactly what she wants them to do.

After

About Me:

I am the antidote to your boring dating life. Growing up in the country gave me down-on-the-farm earthiness (I entered a prized goat in the county fair) yet I love nothing more than my urban life here in (city withheld). I am happy out and about, and I love to entertain and throw parties at my own house. I also cherish quiet moments at home with my dog.

I am professional, but I am more of a “work to live, not live to work” person. I love to travel and when I go, I like to spend a big chunk of time in interesting places, such as Buenos Aires or Tulum.

Socially, I love to attend public festivals and big goings-on and plan and attend theme parties in costume. At Burning Man to Carnivale or the Pride Parade, you’ll typically find me either as part of the action or as an enthusiastic cheerleader on the sidelines, or the one hosting the costumed after-party.

Family is very important to me and I hope it is for you too. I grew up nearby and see my extended family often. Many of my friends have children and I love including them in my life. Oftentimes, they themselves are the life of the parties.

I am old enough to know that I need someone who can join me at all of these places: from the outrageous and high-spirited to the restful and family-focused. I can guarantee a terrific time. Can you?

Okay Karen, you’ve been Yenta-fied! Let us know how the revised profile fares online.

 

Technorati Tags: advice,love,dating,cyber-dating

The List

When I was 33 or so, I realized I wanted to be married. So I enlisted professional help: I decided to read all the top-selling dating books from The Rules to If Buddha Dated. I figured the authors sold tons of books so something they’re saying must be reasonable, right? Right. I admit that reading some of the old fashioned, insulting advice was often sickening. But every book, even The Rules*, had at least one pearl I could take along with me as I developed my strategy for Project Husband.

Exactly half of the dating books I read say you have to make a list of exactly what you want and don’t budge from it. The other half said to have an idea of what you’re looking for but be open to possibilities. I took the advice from both sides and made my list. I narrowed it down to seven items I couldn’t live without: a smart, social, successful, sophisticated, soulful man who was into being Jewish and into the idea of family. I made sure words like “successful” could be intentionally vague—I didn’t attach a dollar value or a specific profession. I used my hour-long commute each day to check and recheck myself to make sure this really was my hard stop list.

I also rehearsed my list on those commutes so I could rattle it off whenever I told anyone I met what I wanted when I asked them to fix me up. I created an “elevator pitch” for my perfect man. My only caution of this practice is, be very careful what you wish for because my husband is all of those things, down to the soulful part.

At any rate, making your list is a good exercise in visualization. By creating the seven-attribute composite of my man, I was able to piece together where I might find him and what he might be like. Fortunately, my brother found him for me and fixed us up and the rest, as they say, is my history.

*The pearl I gleaned from The Rules’ is: everyone wants to be pursued. Cracked as most of this book is, that rule segues nicely into He’s Just Not That Into You, which basically says, if he ain’t pursuing you then he ain’t interested.

The Hannah Method

I was inspired a few years ago by a woman I met named Hannah. She was a successful businesswoman who like a lot of us didn’t invest a lot of time in finding someone to marry. Suddenly she realized how badly she wanted to have babies. A husband, she thought, would be just the solution for getting started on the path to parenthood. Being an intellectual and introspective person, she sat down to figure out the shortest distance from single hood to partner hood. In doing this, she realized that she never applied the same management principles to dating that she had to her career or business life. So she devised the Hannah Method.

The Hannah Method worked like this:

1. Be crystal clear about what you want out of dating and a relationship. There’s no shame in being totally honest and up front with every potential date you meet that you are in the game for the high stakes. If you believe that finding the right person is about timing, then this is the tactic for you.

2. Devise your list of no-budge issues for you, such as having children. When she said list, she meant the most important, deepest, soulful items, such as “Believes in God.” She did not mean, “Wears Armani.”

3. Prepare a list of questions for any potential date that reveal key insights about your list of no-budge issues. For Hannah, having children—and fast—was her top priority. Within the first few minutes of meeting a potential date, she’d ask, “Do you like children?” or “Do you want children?” or “Does anybody in your life have children you see regularly?” The answers to these questions will tell you if the person is on your wavelength about the things that are important to you.

4. Have a team. In business, all successful projects have a great team to back them up. Hannah recommended your team consist of one married woman (the thinking here is that a married girlfriend would not feel a loss if you left the group and is not competing with you for available men) and one single man who you are definitely not interested in. After each interaction with a potential man, review the event with your team. (SuperYenta tried this tactic and it was so much fun. One evening I took my team out to discuss my prospects at a favorite local bar. While we were there, I met a cute guy at the bar and it felt wonderful to have my team backing me up in real time!) Take your team’s advice in stride and devise your next plan of action.

5. Test your theory. Hannah thought it was crucial to check and double check that her hunches were correct. One of her no-budge issues was kindness. So she devised tests to make sure her dates were kind. She would, for example, spill her water on a date to see how the guy reacted. If he thought of her first, mopped her off and went to get help, she thought the guy was a keeper. If he got mad or annoyed or did anything ungentlemanly, she moved on.

6. View your prospects in the light of day. It was Hannah who lit the fire for me to start having daytime dates only. Right after I met Hannah, I met a sweet guy who asked me out to a fancy restaurant on our first date. In the haze of candlelight and wine, plus the noise of the restaurant, I found I had nothing to talk to this guy about. Six months later I saw his wedding announcement in the New York Times. The article painted him as a very interesting guy. Had I taken Hannah’s advice and met him for a walk or for coffee during a weekend day, I might have had a chance to get to know him better.

7. Do not move forward physically until you know you really like the person. Like is different from lust. Hannah advocated a no-kissing approach until all of the above issues were settled.

The Hannah Method has a lot of steps and requires some deep thinking and a big dose of patience. If you were as thoughtful about your social life as you are about your career, you’d be married by now! Try it!

One Hell of a Life

When I was in my mid-20s, I had a friend named Ellen. As twenty-something gals will do, we talked about dating all the time. Ellen said two things I’ll never forget. One, after a particularly harsh break up of mine, was, “There’s nothing wrong with you that a bottle of cheap nail polish won’t fix,” and she was right. I still wear the shade of automotive red she handed me as a breakup consolation present. The second was, “I’m tired of being down about being single. The famous women in history were out there….being famous! I’m going to start having one hell of a life,” and she did. She quit her job to go traveling with an old friend from high school. After traveling all over the world and getting into all kinds of hi-jinx, she married that friend.

My current favorite single (straight) woman just finished the AIDS ride. The AIDS ride! 500 miles of grueling biking from San Francisco to Los Angeles with thousands of gay men. This woman has already run marathons, done Team In Training, completed triathlons, swam to Alcatraz and back and more. The AIDS ride represented a way to raise money for a great cause and put herself up to a new physical challenge. Even though there was little chance she’d meet Mr. Perfect on this trip, she was looking for a huge and rewarding adventure. Another woman with a hell of a life! 

My point is, it’s never too late to start having one hell of a life. I was reminded of this important lesson while reading Sunday’s Vows column. Here’s what struck me about the bride: “She began behaving as if she was already in love. “You carry yourself differently when you’re not alone,” she explained. “I would carry myself at a party or a supermarket or a gym as if I was loved.”” This woman decided that husband or no husband, she was going to have one hell of a life. I love this attitude. Should I tell you the end of this story? It ain’t like the ending of the Titanic. You guessed it: bride and groom sail away into the sunset, married.

So, have yourself a hell of a life! Take a trip, volunteer, step up and do something for someone else that takes you way out of your comfort zone. You may discover exactly what you’re looking for when you carry yourself with love and purpose.

Why am I still single?

If you’re reading this wondering, “Why am I still single?” follow these tips before going on your next date:

1. Ask yourself what you really want. If you want to date to have fun with no current interest in settling down, be honest with yourself and your date about this. If you are dating to find the right person to get married to and soon, do not be afraid to be honest about this to yourself and your date. (As a personal note, I only fix up people who are serious about finding someone to marry). Remember: everyone deserves to get what they want. Everyone, including you, deserves to be happy and to share love.
2. Have a rough idea of what your past mistakes are. Do you always date people who are truly unavailable? Try to find patterns in past mistakes and break them. Following Tip #1 might help you break this cycle.
3. Take a look in the mirror. One of the couples whom I fixed up were each required to read the chapter on “packaging” from Rachel Greenwald’s Find a Husband After 35: Using what I learned at Harvard Business School so they would take how they looked seriously when they met each other. She went to a personal shopper, he asked a friend to help and voila, they are married.
4. Another tip from Rachel Greenwald: if you are looking for someone to marry, tell everyone you know. Ask everyone, even the person who cuts your hair, to think of you when they meet someone special. This can lead to some very entertaining offbeat dates as well as meeting a special someone.

Best of luck to you! I hope you find your beshert.