SuperYenta

Personals call and response: be careful out there

Your SuperYenta isn't in the frequent habit of reposting blogged content, but this one's too much of a gem to leave alone in webland.

My only response is: girl, get a SuperYenta. Don't even get a SuperYenta; get a Yenta, a friend, a family member, or anyone else who will give you a much needed reality check. And for crying out loud, no more drunken posting on Craigslist!

As you know, both women and men receive equal doses of love from the SuperYenta. Note to Suit Daddy of Doom: Look around at your next Wall Street charity function and you'll see the 40+ women look better, happier, and more content than their Forever 21-clad counterparts. Two words: Michelle Obama.

SY

Link to this post: http://katieschwartz.blogspot.com/2007/10/ny-craigslist-personal-ad-and-response.html

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25-year-old shameless diva seeks money-money-money

What am I doing wrong? Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:-

• Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms -
• What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings-
• Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)? -
• Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?-
• Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?-
• How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

Suit Daddy of Doom's Answer

Dear Pers:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it. Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal.

Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates!

Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that.

So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage. Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

New Year’s Online Dating Resolutions

 

It’s a new year, and a great time to take stock in your online dating profile. Your SuperYenta will gladly share the top five most frequent mistakes she sees to help you use 21^st Century tools to find your beshert. Before you read on, please open your mind and your online dating profile and commit to making changes (for the better) for the new year.

 

1. Remove all negative and underhanded references to what went wrong in your last relationship. No matter how sly, if you’ve got a laundry list of the things that didn’t work last time, it will show in your profile….it will read like a vendetta. For example, this should not appear in your profile: “If you’re so backward that you don’t know how to chew with your mouth closed, do not reply to my ad.” This should appear in your profile: “Please be well-mannered and gentlemanly. I love to be impressed by good manners!”
2. Never, ever use this phrase: I am as comfortable in jeans as in a tux. Don’t be swayed into this boring and tired catch phrase just because everyone else uses it! Are you so over dating that you can’t come up with something slightly more creative to indicate you have diverse interests and styles? If you are not, contact your SuperYenta! As a bonus, I’ll throw in another phrase to avoid: I like romantic walks on the beach. Who doesn’t?  Including this in your profile makes you sound repetitive and desperate for the feeling one gets on a romantic walk. Your SuperYenta wants you to come up with something that actually represents how you spend your time. If you like to go antiquing, play Guitar Hero, or people watch at airports, be honest about it.
3. Remember the law of numbers: Resolve to “go shopping” for at least three new people to contact each week, and contact them. Do not poke them, or “flirt” with them. Send each one actual messages pulling a factoid from their profile into your email, such as, “I’m glad you mentioned Scrabble because over the holidays, I played Scrabble with my 96-year old Aunt Edna for three nights straight.” Some schlemiels will never reply (those who do not reply do not deserve to meet you anyway), some will. 
4. Reply to everyone who contacts you. Even if they are three-eyed trolls, even if you are not interested, the most appropriate way to participate in online dating is to reply to everyone who contacts you. Remember that someone contacting you may have just read my “law of numbers” resolution up above. The flipside of this resolution is this: if the wrong person keeps contacting you (for example, if you are 40 and a 27-year old is flirting with you through chat), politely extricate yourself and cut off all contact, no matter how scintillating, and never contact them again. Is a 27-year old ready to marry you? Not likely.

5. Do not lose faith. Online dating is your way to stay flexible and limber in what for some is a quagmire and for some is a ball. Be loud and proud! And if you get discouraged, simply contact your SuperYenta for a pep talk.

 

Now get out there and update your profile!

SuperYenta

 

More lessons from Kabbalah, and Goop.com

This column comes courtesy of Goop.com’s search for enlightenment. Michael Berg’s response resonates for those without partners: are you making judgments about potential partners based on some of your bad or old limitations? If so, read on:

 

Goop.com: I have a friend who sees the world in a pessimistic light. This person is highly suspicious of people and situations, and sees, as well as experiences negativity at most turns. Why is this and what does it mean? What can be done to help someone of this nature?

 

Michael Berg: What we see is who we are.

When we are in a good place, we see goodness all around us. When we are in a bad place, we see darkness. We might think we’re picking up these flaws in others because we are smarter or better. But the deeper truth is our judgments are merely an indication of where we are at spiritually.

Kabbalah teaches that within everything in this world can be found good and bad aspects. We choose – consciously or unconsciously – which part we wish to see. That choice is a reflection of who we are.

When we meet someone for the first time, we can focus on their positive or negative qualities. The direction we go in is a choice we are making. The same goes for new situations. Obviously there are times we need to discern the pros and cons of people or situations because it affects our well-being. That’s part of life. But most of the time when we judge it is not out of necessity to make a decision, it is simply because our negativity causes us to see negativity in others.

In addition to indicating where we are at, there is an exchange of energy when we judge someone. Kabbalah explains that focusing on someone’s negativity actually brings that energy into our lives! Certainly, no one wants to consciously bring negativity into our lives, which is the whole concept; we are unaware.

This week, the lesson for us is twofold. First, be aware of this concept: what I see is where I am at. Develop within yourself the proactive ability to focus only on the good in people or situations. Second, know that by seeking out the positive in others and in all aspects of life, you are awakening – and strengthening – that goodness inside of you.

Michael Berg is Co-Director of the Kabbalah Centre