SuperYenta

Dow Got You Down? Go on a Date!

From the SuperYenta newswire.....
(www.marketingvox.com)

Depressed Dow Drives Americans into Arms of Online Dating

Drink up

A handful of online dating sites are reporting activity spikes following September's global financial crisis.

"On days when the US Dow Jones industrial went down […] by more than 100 points, more people were likely to log in and spend more time on the site," stated Senior Research Scientist Gian Gonzaga in an interview with Reuters.

"People seek out companionship in times of stress. Studies repeatedly show that being in a relationship can help a person's psychological and physical health."

CEO Thomas Enraght-Moony of Match.com corroborates Gonzaga's view. "During these trying times, people are looking for hope in their inbox," he said.

November brought Match.com its largest membership increase in the last seven years.

But even lesser-known dating sites, like Perfectmatch.com, are seeing bounty. The latter reported a 47% hike in membership in the three months to November compared to the previous quarter.

An Opinion Research Corp. poll, sponsored by eHarmony, found 57% of Americans worry more about their love lives amidst the credit crunch. Married men were most affected, with 63% stressed over love.

And 75% of poll-takers between 25 and 34 worried whether the economy would negatively impact their love lives. Younger, single respondents were more likely to pursue a relationship as a result of these concerns.

Older respondents, which were more likely to be married, still worried financial issues would harm their existing relationships. "There are often more fights over bills and household budgets" among couples in climates like this one, Gonzaga pointed out.

The Opinion/eHarmony poll comprised 1,092 users. Meanwhile, a survey by Avalanche LLC — which operates date.com, matchmaker.com and amor.com — found 84% of people are spending more time online or over the phone before meeting face-to-face.

With all that in mind, it bodes well for the online dating industry that the Dow is down 35% this year.

Online dating services became aggressive advertisers in '07, with eHarmony spending the most: $110.1 million in total as of February last year. Match.com followed, spending $66.4 million in total.

Their efforts weren't wasted. Prior to 2008, Mediamark Research found US adults were increasingly receptive to online dating, which was previously stigmatized as an arena for the desperate and unloveable. Men were slightly more likely to log onto an online dating site (52.2% versus 47.8%), and people between 18-34 consisted of over half of the online dating population. Single parents were significantly more likely than average to pursue a 'net-based romance.

The face of online dating in general has evolved since then. Online speed dating debuted late last year. And last month, online dating conglomerate eHarmony lost a three-year-old suit for refusing to match gays, lesbians and bisexuals. The company will launch a gay dating site, "Compatible Partners," in early 2009.

The List appears in NYTimes Vows

Regular readers know that your SuperYenta is a devotee of The New York Times Vows column. And the thing is, those of us in the love everlasting business all appreciate each others' work. So on November 9, I was delighted to see the groom-of-the-day, Tim Hayes, refer to his "list." You see? If the Times  can tout the list, you know its gotta be worthwhile.

Vows

Elise Gutfeld and Tim Hayes

By MARCELLE S. FISCHLER

Published: November 7, 2008

THE first time Elise Gutfeld rode on a horse, at age 3, she found bliss. During family vacations in the Catskills, she insisted on taking trail rides. By the third grade she was hooked on “Black Stallion” books.

At 13, she told her parents that if she had to go to sleep-away camp, it needed to involve horseback riding.

“I wanted to be with them, ride them, draw them, live them,” she said, dreaming of becoming a jockey, until at 5-foot-7, she realized she was too tall.

As a teenager, her priorities changed. She was a prom queen at Dwight Morrow High School in Englewood, N.J., lettered in tennis and softball, and headed to Columbia University. She now telecommutes as a vice president and the senior technology manager for Bank of America.

Five years ago, when her older daughter, Ma’ayan Stein, asked for riding lessons, Ms. Gutfeld started riding again. When her instructor died, she dropped the lessons. Then, divorced for four years, she concentrated instead on finding someone special.

Last year, Ms. Gutfeld, 45, of Fort Lee, N.J., had been Internet dating for a few months when she received a message from Tim Hayes.

His screen name was Happy Trails. Fourteen years earlier, in the wake of a divorce, he had given up a slick go-getter Manhattan-based career producing and writing television commercials and relocated to East Hampton, N.Y., to work as a horse whisperer, teaching natural horsemanship, a tender method of training and riding horses.

After a few e-mail exchanges, Mr. Hayes, 63, asked for her phone number. She demurred, having had a few bad experiences with online dating, but asked for his. When she called two days later, she got his voicemail.

“I am either on the phone on in the barn,” the message said. Ms. Gutfeld said she remembered thinking, “This is it: this is my cowboy.”

His callback lasted two hours. She offered to drive to the Hamptons to meet him and his 19-year-old horse, Austin.

Mr. Hayes’s son, Dr. Rick Hayes, 45, a cardiologist at New York University Hospital, said, “there weren’t any red flags” for his father to say no to this Internet date.

But shortly before their first date, Mr. Hayes was kicked in the mouth while giving a riding lesson. A front tooth was knocked out, and there was no time for a dentist to make a temporary.

Still, he escorted Ms. Gutfeld to a friend’s barbecue, an art gallery in Southampton and for ice cream. He knew she was “a keeper,” he said, when she kissed him — between licks of cookies and cream — “even though I was missing my front tooth.”

The next weekend, watching him sweet talk Austin and ride without a saddle, Ms. Gutfeld was “overflowing with feeling” at how gentle he was with the horse.

He invited Ms. Gutfeld’s daughters, Anna Stein, 10, and Ma’ayan, 14, for a trail ride at Deep Hollow Ranch in Montauk. “I could see what a good father he would make,” Ms. Gutfeld said, realizing “that his way with horses translated perfectly to his way with people and relationships.”

They learned that besides the horses, they also shared a love of family, children and movies. One of the problems Mr. Hayes had encountered with prospective partners, he said, was that “there were things I wanted to change about them.”

With Ms. Gutfeld, he said, he “didn’t want to fix or change anything.”

Even though she calls herself a perfectionist, she said, “I could let my hair down and make mistakes and he would love me anyway.”

She personified every adjective on “the list,” which, he said, included being trustworthy, predictable, cheerful, appreciative, emotionally nurturing, sexy and romantic.

“It was the most comfortable, easiest and intimate relationship I had ever had,” he added.

Carl Bernstein, the investigative journalist, described Mr. Hayes, his longtime friend, as someone who “follows his instincts.”

So last April, when Ms. Gutfeld arrived in East Hampton for the weekend, Mr. Hayes told her that earlier that day he had seen seals on the beach. Despite her grumblings about having work, he insisted on going to the beach. There were no seals; it was a pretense. He dropped to a knee on the sand, pulled a ring from his pocket and proposed.

They were hitched Oct. 4 before 50 family members and friends. The Rev. Christopher Stamp, a minister of the Sanctuary of the Beloved, officiated at the SoHo loft of Nicholas Grabar and Jennifer Sage, a cousin of Mr. Hayes.

During a reception that included cheeseburger sliders and mini red velvet cupcakes, Mr. Hayes swooped Ms. Gutfeld into his arms and asked her to dance.

Having found his own bliss, he turned to the crowd and said, “It’s about falling in love with someone who makes you feel like home.” And then they swayed on the dance floor.

A version of this article appeared in print on November 9, 2008, on page ST15 of the New York edition.

Listening to Dad

Yesterday I was talking to a dad about his single 39 year old daughter. “One thing about her,” he said, “is that she’s happy. She’s happy being single. This is wonderful for her but I feel like she’s missing out, and she doesn’t know what she’s missing out on.” Boy, do I agree with that!

We can’t force our friends and family to make the better decisions that we made for ourselves, but wouldn’t it be great if we could? I empathized with his desire for his daughter to share his brand of happiness. As the SuperYenta always does, I listened with both ears until he’d poured his hopes for his daughter out. Like many of us, she had been badly burned in a relationship a long time ago. She swore of love then and kept her promise.

Stories like these make a SuperYenta’s heart melt. This woman may not be expressing a desire to be in a relationship or be married, but she sure could use a Super Yenta. Here’s what I would tell her: You can have a relationship on your terms. You can pick whom you want to be with. Just as you pick the perfect pair of shoes to match an outfit, you can decide exactly what you want and go for it. Do not let it come to you, do not be lazy. Make your list and go out there and find your man!

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